dreamerdark (dreamerdark) wrote in deuce_low,

scared, hopeless


I sleep days to avoid my mother, its that bad. I have a 3 yr. old and he has to have the same sleeping schedule as me but it's better for both of us this way. My mother tries to use this and other thing about me that are different as fodder for her campaign to convince the world I'm insane. I'm physically disabled with fibromyalgia and am working on getting disability so I can leave my mothers home-but she's undermining it. She calls my welfare case working, doctor and tells them I'm insane-then they won't listen to me. I never know the true extent of her activities either because she will exagerate them, then play thme down-and I have to guess if my doctors/etc. beleive her or whats been said. Unfortunately I don't havea car so my doctor was revealed to her when she had to pick a perscription. She tries to find out every doctor, freind, activity I'm involved with and FORCES contact with these people so she can convince them I'm nuts.

ALso she is activly trying to convince peopel I'm a bad mother and finding a way to take my son-although again she is a liar so I don't know how far this has gone-I only know what she's said to me. But she works in a hospital and for a charity and obsessively makes contacts with people so it wouldnt' surprise me if "I've talked to all these social workers I'm goin gto have you put away and take your son" were true. I have to force myself to go numb and ignor peopel she knows so that it doesn't hurt me too badly emotionally so I can keep my head up-but apparently that means i'm crazy-to be PC and unemotional.
She has stalked me in this house for hours insulting and threatoning me, provoks me with the most unimaginable threats and lies and has even gone so far as to continual threaton to take my son from me, etc. and once I'm really angry and scared-try and get me in front of a video camera she's hidden so she can convince people I'm nuts/abusive to her.

I'm so scared I'm trapped and now shes bringing her wierd boyfriend around (who beleives Im the one doing things to her). Trys to tell how to raise my son, comes into our rooms unnanounced, takes food off my plate while I'm eating, screams at me in a threatoning way and is often drunk.

I'm going to have to look into shelter options again-problem is she knows all the charity workers in town-people who run the shelters. The only other thing I could think of to be safer is to get a recorder and get a recording of her, but its easier said than done since a recorder only hold so much data and It would have to be hidden-also my recorder curiously quit working after I got here.

I seriously feel like dying, it would be better for me to die than to see my son in her hands or continue living in this hell.
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